BICKENHILL – Over the past few days, reports have come in of massive Adammic military movements around the National Exhibition Centre on the outskirts of Birmingham, UK. The Adammic Express has been able to get exclusive access to recently-declassified documents which reveal what is really going on.
Adammic flags pictured flying outside the entrance of the NEC.
Shortly before the 62nd Insomnia Gaming Festival was due to open at the NEC on Thursday, the Adammic Government staged an intervention into the event, after the Emperor, along with a large number of Adammic citizens who also attend the festival, expressed concerns that GAME, the company which owns organiser Multiplay Events, had over-commercialised the event and was exploiting its loyal customers by constantly raising prices. Late on Wednesday night, operatives from the Adammic Intelligence Service exploited a bug in The Ticket Factory’s notoriously-broken BYOC seat picker, which granted them root access to GAME’s accounting system. They then transferred ownership of Multiplay Events to the Degiro account of the Emperor’s private equity fund, Adammic Investments Ltd. The Adammic government then bought Multiplay from the Emperor’s fund, thus nationalising the company, for the sum of £40, which was just enough to reimburse the Emperor for GAME’s recent plunge in stock price.
The seat picker bug also allowed the AIS to claim all of the available seats in the BYOC hall, which it then gave away for free to Adammic citizens. On Thursday morning, MPUK’s new owners began to arrive at the NEC, escorted by the 2nd Infantry Division. They quickly asserted control of the event staff and volunteers, directing full attention to the BYOC hall, which allowed it to open at midday, six hours earlier than GAME had originally scheduled it, whilst deciding to leave the Expo hall until later. Meanwhile, NEC security were marched off the premises (except for Andy, he’s cool) by Adammia’s elite Special Operations unit, and replaced with Adammic military guards.
The next order of business was to take control of the event’s bar. Existing stocks of Heineken and Carlsberg were dumped in Pendigo Lake and replaced with the finest-quality Adammic beer and wine imported from Tytannia, which allowed the price of a pint to be reduced from £5.50 to 10p. Convoys were also scheduled between the BYOC hall and the nearest Tesco, which delivered crates of Kopparberg, Strongbow Dark Fruit, Jack Daniels and Jagermeister directly to people’s desks, venue licencing laws be damned.
When on Friday morning the famous YouTubers began to arrive, most of them were detained and forced to join the Green volunteer team, which was being made to build a castle for the Emperor inside Hall 5. However, Tom “ProSyndicate” Cassell was singled out, arrested by the Adammic Police Force, and taken to the Resorts World casino, where he was forced to gamble his entire life savings on a game of poker, which was being filmed. Cassell was unable to resist the urge to pull a stupid face at the camera, thus ruining his attempt at bluffing and costing him the game. The Adammic Government denied setting up the situation, stating that Resorts World was simply “this new casino we just found”. Meanwhile, all the day-time stage shows have been cancelled, and replaced with Stuart “Ashens” Ashen reviewing old tat all day long.
Back in the LAN hall, the Call of Duty World League has been cancelled and replaced with a Golf With Friends tournament organised by the Adammic Esports Association. Madam Bryony Weedon DOA is the current favourite to win. The Adammic government have set up their own offices in the staff seating area, where Prime Minister Lord Helliker has been causing some confusion because his talking voice is louder than some of the CS:GO teams’ celebrations after they win a game. The Leader of the Opposition, Admiral Simpson, is nowhere to be seen, but the flagship of the 1st Imperial Fleet is moored on Pendigo Lake and it is believed that she is on board drinking Long Island Iced Teas and playing The Sims.
The Insomnia World Famous Pub Quiz was moved back to its original Saturday night slot and took place last night, with one key difference: it was now a strictly black-tie event, with Adammic military guards turning away anyone not wearing a suit or a dress. The VIP tables at the front normally reserved for the YouTubers were instead occupied by the Adammic government and their friends; the YouTubers, after a hard day’s work building the Emperor’s castle, were allowed to sit in the back row, in an area specifically designed by the Yellow volunteer team to be a Wifi and mobile signal dead spot, in order to prevent them from Googling the answers like they usually do. Henners won the quiz, with BigClan finishing second, proving that the natural order of things has been restored.
Adammia’s changes to the event are not yet over. Rumour has it that the line-up for tonight’s wrestling show has been altered, and it will now feature a fight between Celestia Vega and Holli “Holita” Francis in order to determine the #1 E-Girl. The Adammic government has been forced to deny that it is supplying Francis with a number of stepladders to use against Vega, which could be considered unfair.
With the Adammic flag now flying from every corner of the NEC, one has to wonder what is the next step. Our sources believe that, once the event is over, the Adammic military will turn its attention to Coventry, hoping to hold i63 at the Ricoh Arena. A Treasury order for several huge blue tents has fuelled these rumours, and we can be sure of one thing – if the stories of the Emperor’s past history with rugby in high school PE are to be believed, then he will gleefully do to the ground of the Coventry Wasps what MPUK did to it four years ago.
That is all for now. Seek wisdom and honour, and long live the Imperial Gaming Festival!